Christmas Eve

Wow, another year has passed. I remember this time last year I was in Taiwan. I think I was in Taipei...? Yeah... Good Timesssss...

Christmas Eve no longer feels like Christmas Eve no more. There ain't any Christmas lights, ham, log cake, presents... In fact, my Christmas tree is actually a snowman. Like, what? I'm not sure if I'll feel the festivity on Christmas day itself, but I know I'll be in a festive mood on Boxing Day. Y'know why? THE SALES!

Ugh, so excited for the sales.

Okay, I did nothing much today. Woke up at 2, slacked and painted my nails, had dinner with my family. That's it. Although I did pick up my guitar and play some songs.

It felt great. Like, really. It's been a few months since I played my guitar and I have to take some time to form the calluses back on the tips of my fingers. I used to dread playing it again when I haven't played for a long period of time. Now I kinda look forward to it. That numbing feeling is so comforting to me and strumming while I play always gives me a sense of achievement /that is if I successfully coordinate my voice and hands/.

You see, I realised that that numbness I feel in my fingertips, is actually a form of pain. It's not a sharp pain, neither is it a radiating pain or any other pain, but it is a pain. And this pain has become so familiar to me, I actually enjoy it. I don't understand why I'd enjoy it. Isn't pain supposed to be dreadful and upsetting and any and every other negative emotion. I feel good suffering from this pain.  I keep trying to think of why this pain is so enjoyable, but I can't think of a good enough reason.

I anticipate the day I do.